How do you build strong, positive, relationships with people…from scratch? I have been fortunate to learn a few important steps that might help you with new relationships.
One of the most important attributes you can bring to a relationship (of any kind) is authenticity. Be authentic. When other people can see that you are being real with them – who you really are – it starts to lower their guard. A foundation for all things good starts to build. It’s pointless to put on a superhero or other costume when you meet somebody. Be proud to be you and nothing else.
Going a step further, if you are brave enough, to show others your weaknesses, your imperfections, and your deficiencies then other people start to disarm their own barriers and defenses. Nobody wants to feel like they are being judged. When you talk about the ways that you struggle in life, others lose their fear of being judged by you. Instead they may relate to what you are saying, or at least feel empathy towards you. When show others that you are not afraid to recognize your own faults, it makes them less afraid of you seeing their’s.
Don’t tell them how great you are. Don’t tell them about they awesome things you do. You want to turn people off? Then put your EGO on display. People are more willing to embrace others that emanate humility. There is no need to impress anyone with your accomplishments or good deeds.
Instead, focus on the other person and actively listen to them. Find ways to be interested in them by asking interesting questions. Stay away from the boring crap that most people talk about such as the weather and sports. What are their interests, hobbies, fears, philosophies? Instead, ask them what they would do if they won the lottery, if they had to choose a different career, or where they would like to go on vacation.
Every time you encounter someone, you leave them feeling the same, better or worse. 
Kids and teachers call it bucket filling or dipping. If you say or do something nice then you are adding to the bucket of someone else; when you are unkind you are dipping from their bucket. They are many great kids books about this (Like this One). Adults call it the Emotional Exchange Bank. Be sure to always fill the bucket of people you encounter. Always leave others a deposit in their emotional exchange bank. When they walk away from you, be sure that they are feeling better than before they felt before your encounter.
In conclusion, these simple reminders can help you start off on the right foot with all new people you meet. Whether you are at a professional networking event, church, or a bar, keeping these ideas in the forefront of your mind will help you initiate positive relationships.
- Be authentic
- Talk about your weaknesses, imperfections and deficiencies
- Emanate humility
- Focus on the other person
- Ask interesting questions
- Leave a deposit in their emotional exchange bank
Love and Let 